Cataraqui Soccer Club

Well hello there.

I see you've caught me watching a few of my lesser teammates do what they call "warmup." Of course, The Shep's warmup regimen is more focused on sketching unintentional nude models, sampling the world's finest soup’s and starting a trend called "Shepping”. The coaching change next season should thrust Cataraqui's greatest goal scorer back into the starting XI. I must admit that I have considered sampling these other “warmup” methods. But then I spotted you, a Shep-babe more beautiful than any other, and my thoughts focused on just one physical activity. And it involves a hot tub full of dairy products. Ha-HA!

Next season, when The Shep is once again being called upon to be more than just the sensual inspiration for the club and actually play in football matches, I'm quite certain that the ladies will tear off my clothes in the prepared foods section of the super market while shouting, "Shep, your but is so much better than that teammate of yours who always talks about, Celtic things and shorts ." ... Why yes, I am the reason customers can't ladle their own soups anymore. Ha-HA!

So as we find ourselves on the precipice of another Shep-plosion of goals and sexual crying, I must ask...do you want to enter a dark room that contains nothing but The Shep, my cousin Luigi Shepherd and several night vision cameras covered in grease and glitter?

Oh-OHHH! My tiny shorts are crushing my pills and preventing me from properly flexing my Shep-thighs. Oh, this is terrible! I feel like I'm being held in a figure-four by a sexy lady police officer, except it's not as enjoyable and it won't lead to pat down. Oh, this must be what people talk about when they say they have hardships in life.

Join us again next time for another chapter in the life of...The Continental...